Faith and hope

In the midst of many people

I turn to take your hand

and grab the empty air. 

It is not there.

While laughing at a joke

I peek to see

if you are also smiling.

The space where

your face should be

is empty.

It is not there.

I think of something you might like

and turn to speak

where you lend an ear.

A pang of fear

goes through me like a knife.

You are not there.

A silent gloom envelopes me

I pray there is a there

where you are present.

And do you think of me

or search for my distant hand?

And are we both asking, “where”?

And are we joined in longing

and kissing phantom lips?

Or am I here alone

with my imagination

kissing empty air

that’s truly empty?

Oh are you there?

Oh are you there?

Finding love

I have listened for the voice of love

And longed for words of solace.

Is it the tender soothing of a mother

Or your hot breath in my ear?

Everything will be all right

I’m right beside you always dear.

Oh god fuck me

I love to feel you pushing in right there.

Or better yet

Let me clean your glasses,

Don’t bend the backs of shoes.

I feel like a young calf suckling at your breast

While you lick my flanks

And milk me for the semiotic

fluid that can give this

staggered trope

its meaning.

I cannot find outside

what comes from me

like light

and reflects in your darkling eyes.

I bend my face to yours

in hope of receiving

what I have given.

Gratefully, and with my tongue,

I harvest the clear

salty water

that drops from your eyes. 

Last night I dreamed of you

Last night I dreamed of you enfolded in my arms, your upturned face, sparkling with anticipation of a kiss.   Your eyes smiled as if they knew something I did not.  I bent my head and touched your parted lips with mine, and brushed the tip of your tongue with mine.

We hugged and I felt your body shape itself to mine; somehow your height was exactly equal to my own and all our parts fit at the right place.

The blizzard raged around the room and made us conscious of the warmth that bodies make for each other in their heat.  Our tongues moved as if blind and needing to hold the walls of our mouths to find their way. 

I felt our hands caressing each other’s bodies, gently,  then strongly but with a lover’s touch, filling us with the tingling of expectation but holding back.  I kissed your neck and ears and drew a circle on your forearms with my tongue.  You took my fingers and sucked on each like a treat.

I wanted our embrace to go on and on.  I awoke.

I turned to tell you all my dream and understood abruptly:  the room is completely empty without you in it.